✨ #7 Lessons I Cherished Through Gaining Weight ✨
Action Learning Lab about My Body & Mental Wellness
My green pants wrapped tightly around my waist. With the belly bulge that flexed open the zipper. The crotch line etched deep into my thighs. And my fingers quickly unclasped the button before another gastric reflex surged up from the tightness.
Yes, my pants no longer fit me.
Instead of mercilessly tearing myself down and comparing myself to last year “slim-down”, I’m thankful for this opportunity.
Indeed for the past 4 months, I wished I had the resolve to go back to exercising in the morning and going on 16-8 intermittent fasting again. I wished I had that body. The all-time slim where I can fit in my sister’s clothes. Being able to wear crop tees. The exercise routine. The muscles to flex. The strength. I wished I had my past.
But as my size expand and my weight increases, I realized how great this opportunity is – To improve my mental wellness while gaining my health back. The weight loss will be just the fruits of my labor.
This journey to lose the tightness around my clothes allow me to understand that:
- #1: I’m complete – nothing is wrong with me when I gain weight. Instead what I encounter right now are barriers and blocks. These barriers materialize because I’m expanding my capabilities. I’m working on a newly formed unit with an uncertain career shift. My new family business has started on the factory construction. I found a new life partner. The pandemic 2nd wave. My MBA graduation. My growing dreams and a set of insecurities. 😝
- #2: I operate from all-or-nothing thinking. When I failed to keep my intermittent fasting, I’d give up on eating healthy and derail into chips snacking. Instead of operating from that thinking, I can try let’s-continue-again thinking. Just because I ate fried chicken today, I don’t have to feel horrible about myself and gave up my intermittent fasting. Just because I haven’t do a Chloe Ting workout or run, it doesn’t mean I have to give up exercising all my life. I can take small steps back up again. And it doesn’t have to be perfect.
- #3: I succeed because I was my #1 cheerleader and I celebrate the small steps I took. I gave myself heaps of compliment for beating through every “5 seconds”.
- #4: It’s not about being incredible when I am down to the certain sizes I want, but being able to be with the sizes that I am now. From reading my mentor’s new book on “Regret Vaccine”, I found that true peace and happiness is more profound when I am able to be with the me that I am, with all these tightness. And when I am able to actually settle in and not in the denial, shame, or resistance, my body automatically release the tension and the tightness, craving, and stress gradually melt away.
- #5: It’s about accepting that things are what they are. Accepting that the situations are going to be “chaotic, unpleasant, and stressful”. It’s okay to fall down and slowed down on the progress. Last year, there were many mornings and nights that I still go to exercise aka walk in my university (nothing fancy) when I was physically injured and emotionally upset.
- #6: Mental block of “Things are rosier in retrospect.” Yes, looking back, I was slim. I could wear my new clothes and lingerie I bought. There are countless time I wished people would stop commenting that I was getting fatter. I wish I could fit in those clothes again. Wishing that I could eat all the junks at wee hours and not gain weight. But to live is not about reliving the past. It’s not even about seeking for the rosy future. It’s about being able to live in the now. Where am I now? In school, waiting for my boyfriend’s TA class to finish. Being grateful for the present is tea 😌 🍵🎐
- #7: Just because I completed with being the Introduction Leader at Landmark doesn’t mean I am down to nothing. It doesn’t mean the lessons I gained and the person I become are no longer effective. The gems of discoveries and the coaching from Landmark are the unlimited fuel reserve that I can tap into to push forward. If I have done amazing things before I became an IL, I can do so much more AFTER that! 😉 Sissss, the courage to be in this shoes now is amazingggg. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
“Great job, you badass boss babe!” for not giving up and harvesting this priceless gem from the experience you gained. You didn’t fall into the dark abyss of self-hatred or psycho-analyzing your flaws. You accept them for what they are and what you are. Yes, these are mental blocks. What you can do is small steps win. As you finished blogging now, you can draft out the SPI work and experiment with the designs for 30 min. A 10 min for your integrity clearing and another 10 min for integrity clearing. What worked for you was the resilience and the joy to try new things, discover more about yourself, and sharing about yourself. We can do it! Lots of love from yourself.
#resilience #Action Learning of Self D-1 💛
For future reflections when encounter mental blocks:
- 3 Positive Body Image Activities & Worksheets
- 10 Body Positivity Journal Prompts
- 10 Body Image Questions to Ask Yourself This Sunday
- Journaling Prompts For Body Confidence and Self-Love
Cover Photo by Monika Kozub on Unsplash
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