Step 1: Recognize what fear are you operating on
Fighting Paralysis with Parasite
It’s been almost 4 years since I write a research paper. As tomorrow deadline creeps in, I’m paralyzed.
There are tens of tabs open to house the online articles I found. Read through most of them. But I don’t know what to do with them. It’s been stressing me out for months.
Of course, I escaped. While I was coursing through my fantasy land on Youtube, I found a video on MBTI personality with GOT7, where the psychologist was recommending each member what career would suit them. I had taken the test before but I’m curious if my personality would change as my preferences. Went to multiple sites.
Lo and behold, it’s still the same.
As I look through the descriptions, one area caught my attention. As if the dark clouds parted, that area shed light on why I’m struggling so much to finish this research paper. It was on the weakness of the INFP – oversensitivity to comments and mistakes.
Previously, I knew that I was being held up by something from the past, when it comes to writing.
I want to become a full-fledged writer but I always hold myself back, when it comes to professional writing.
It dawned on me, back to my high school and my university class. On the topic of plagiarism. I don’t support plagiarism. But my biggest concern is that what if I can’t paraphrase good enough to be coherent while trying to avoid plagiarism. The more I try to avoid it, the more it remains.
Furthermore, there are evidences that I have collected from the past to back up my fear. In high school, I suffered through a “shameful” grade for English because my paraphrasing skill was poor. In college, I almost fail the English research class because my citation was full of mistakes and my paraphrasing skill was not strong enough. However, a Bachelor in Science, and Masters at Harvard meant that research papers were unavoidable. In order to avoid these mistakes, I will delay the writing process until the very last minute. Till the fear of failing the class due to the incomplete work overrule the fear of making plagiarism errors. Coupled with the self doubt of “I’m not good enough” with “death awaits my mistakes”, it’s not surprising to find me procrastinating. Hence, when I have to write a paper, it becomes a very grueling, blood-wrenching process. My fear escalated and my love for professional writing slowly die.
Parasite: fear of failing the class due to the incomplete work
Paralysis: fear of making plagiarism errors.
It’s funny to realize that I’m just using fear to fight another fear. What a life to be living like that!
Through writing this out, as much as I want to avoid the mistakes, I also don’t want to keep living this kind of living, under the thumb of this fear. However, this is not about ridding myself off this fear. As long as I’m human, the fear won’t go away.
But with courage, it will has a weaker hold on me.
Also, in completing this paper, I’m giving myself an opportunity to express myself.
Step 2: Q&A of Beginning
What kind of personality do I want to shine through from my writing?
Even in a professional setting, I want to be playful and expressive in my language. If the reader could imagine a personnel from my writing, they would see someone in a non-uniform attire, with statement earrings, and a big smile on her face. Words that flow from her mouth would make giggle and that you’ll learn something at the same time. My research work will be like GOT7, BTS lyrics. It’s poetic, it’s personal, and it’s like a ray of sunshine on fresh cool morning.
What kind of value I want to impart to my readers?
Possibilities in life. Courage. Self-love. Empathy for themselves and people close to them
What kind of life do I want my readers to have from reading my work?
Nothing is impossible for them. You can make mistakes and still have zest for life.
What difference do I want to make with my writing?
I want people to be free from their fear. That they don’t have to use fear to accomplish their work. To have joy in the process of taking action. That they can create a comfortable, luxurious, whimsical backseat for their fear and then drive their own car of life to the destination they aimed for.
Last question: what do you want to say to your fear?
Just like I’m learning to drive my car, writing also follow the same process. You don’t have to be a perfect writer with the correct prose and expressions, in order to make money off your writing. Being to make zero mistakes does not guaranteed that success throughout your life.
People will correct your writing, just like how people will correct my driving skills.
Just like what you are doing with your exercise, come up with a quick, easy steps you can follow consistently.
Just like how music have similar colors – JB and JYP, Phum and boy pablo, you can have similar songs as other writers.
Go out there and sing away~
Step 3: What’s Next
Getting into my writing tunes:
- First, read this guide https://karitthasun.com/2016/12/08/how-to-write-a-paper/ THANK YOU SUN FOR WRITING THIS OUT!! LOVE FROM YOUR PRESENT SELF TO YOUR PAST SELF
- I have 5 sections that I need to write out
- Break them down into bitable chunks – with headlines and bullets.
- Find relevant sources -> Ctrl+C and Ctrl+P relevant information
- Rephrase aka Put them into your own words
- MOST IMPORTANT STEP
- Rephrase = Transforming the ideas from outside sources by infusing your own words and incorporating a part of yourself into them. Add your feelings, thoughts, questions, disagreement, part of your soul
- Thread carefully and creatively
- Updated step: Say this – I’m going to do this in a carefree and focused way. The universe is on my side to help me realize the value of my research. There’s no right or wrong answer. There’s just going to be more of What’s So and opportunity to take action again.
Until now to tomorrow deadline at 9am, I have 8pm – 3am (7 hours) and 6am – 9am (3hours), a total of 10 hours to complete this task. I’m allocating 1h30 hours max for each part. Until now till 8pm, anything I do before that will be bonus to completing my research work.
- 8pm – 9.30pm: Section 1
- 10pm – 11.30 pm: Section 2
- 12am – 1.30am: Section 3
- 2am – 3am: Clean up parts
- 6am – 7.30 am: Section 4
- 7.30am – 9am: Section 5