“Do you know why you should not borrow others’ shirt? Because you are going to stretch them cause you are overweight!”
“Don’t you think you are getting fatter?”
What happen to us when we got FAT comments
First come the fat comments. From family members, trusted friends, or kids. It just stinks the wound differently, as if pouring alcohol on an open wound.
ANGER: Second, you know that they are not there to fat-shame you to purposely hurt you. BUT, it’s also not like you can wave a magic wand instantly to DISAPPEAR MY FAT!!
DENIAL: Then, you feel hurt. But you are trying to deny that the comments hurt. Because you know they are concerned. You feel shameful and you can’t bear to be in your own skin.
BARGAINING: So, you chose to withdraw and try to rack your brain to formulate DIET plans & exercise routines.
DEPRESSION: However, you are not confident that you can stick with them because that’s what kept happening – few days on track and you gave up. You see no way out.
Finally, the cycle of self-shaming, rejection, hatred starts.
My Story:
Similar to the Process of Grief, the Process of Fat-shamed/Getting Called Fat runs along this course. Sometimes, I reach the final stage of Acceptance and I just shrugged it off. However, for today, it hits deeper than usual, since it comes from my dad and me comparing myself to my sisters, who are slimming down to a model’s figure (tall & lean). COVID19 quarantine, night eating, snacking between meals, little exercise does not help to lessen the impact. Thus, it compels me to do something about it before I drag my self-worth through hell. Through the process of writing and sharing, I hope to heal from these words, gain peace & conciliation, and move on with my life. Busy girl need to hustle.
Here is how I deal with FAT comments (and you can too)
- Stop & Recognize the Process
- Be okay where you are
- Write it out
- Gain a place to stand
1. Stop & Recognize the Process:
I stop myself. Harder than it sounds. But try. Take a deep breath. Pause. And recognize that all these feelings, emotions, and thoughts are part of the process. I’m in the Grieving Process. Grief for my hurt feelings and for my body.
2. Be okay where you are:
There is ABSOLUTELY NO NEED to fix, change, have a positive spin on your emotions, thoughts, and the situation. I don’t need to “rationalize” that they are doing this to encourage me or that I’ve to stop being upset.
There’s healing power to just allowing yourself to be okay with what you are dealing.
3. Write it out
There is no more damaging way to you, than letting these thoughts and emotions whirl up in your head. Not just emotional, but they take a physical toll on you. I noticed that after several fat comments, my acne (that almost disappear) start aching and I’m bombarded with headaches.
So, I wrote it down – on my notes and on this blog. Journaling, doodling, drawing. Any action that bring these shapeless thoughts into the physical world.
By Asheley
4. Gain a place to stand:
So what? You are not your fat. You are not the comments. They hurt. But they are not you.
What are you going to do?
You can choose to not lose weight. You are awesome AND no fat comment can take that away. Period.
You can also choose to lose weight. Past actions – failed or not – are what already happened. You can’t pay to fix them for they are in the past. New day for new action. For me, I’m going come up with an eating schedule on my calendar + exercise detail for each day. Say it with accomplishment of task and kind intent for yourself.
What possibility will you create?
Fun & Health. Food is nourishing. My body is crafted by the God of Strength. Each muscle fibre is like a steel being hammered by wise smiths to wield out powerful sword.
karittha Sun 