If you cook for me, I’d probably love you | Abundance D-1

Write a list of 50 people, quotes, lessons or anything that have influence on you, be small or big.

  1. Mom – my life, my education, love (forgiving me when I made mistake that cost over 100,000 baht, helping me to arrange the HI at clinic with P Tee, supporting me in all my endeavors – OH at Harvard, books)
  2. Dad – my life, freedom, love (call him when I was stress at 1am, teach me how to drive, forgiving with my credit card mistake)
  3. Mei – happiness, support (someone I can clear out without judging me – fight with my bro, I look up to her for her determination in being fit and losing weight
  4. Mulan – sisterhood, love (a ball of fun and joy, mature partner that I can count on in the family)
  5. Chiang – courage to say things honestly (directly say his feelings eg that I was ignoring him and that help me see that I hurt him and was using my silence to punish him), helpful in doing chores and things I request him
  6. Taigu – love and support – raised me up, shower me when I was young, cook for me
  7. Gu Chong – he got our back since building our house
  8. Grandma – wholesome love, healing, always say loving and encouraging things to me – like how she blessed me for giving her the wash towel
  9. Ah Po – fierce determination and inspiration, raised me up when I was young, cook delicious food, because she worked so hard in life, dad was able to be who he is and taught us well
  10. P Orn – she helped transfer money to me, helped my parents out at the clinic, loyal to our family, bought passport over to the airport when I forgot it at home, trust in me (LM), brought me food
  11. P Kreu – trust in me (LM), cook delicious food for me during COVID19, help mom and dad with the flood
  12. P Pai – she’s my #1 nanny, staff at the clinic who helped raised me up and always cook delicious food whenever I am back to Hatyai
  13. Yoshi – supportive friend who I can rely on (my credit card debt aftermaths) and be authentic with (clearing my awkwardness at Harvard with him lol, PhD recommendation shyness)
  14. P Looknoo – without her, Harvard would have been so lonely (confide my studies frustrations, worries after graduation), hangout everyday (library, BonChon) and sleep at her place, incredibly supportive with my PhD (guide me with her application as example)
  15. Mr Jufrey, from Damai – gave me the leadership opportunity to be the prefect and where I found the place to be in school (praised me in class)
  16. Wisa – she offered her home to let me stay over during Thanksgiving, she and her dad reviewing my Harvard and PhD application, tutor me for GRE, cook and always there to help with TSA stuff (Moo Ping,
  17. P Kaew – a sister at work, any question I’m embarrassed to ask at work, I’d go to her, so fun to be with her
  18. P Som – she checks on how I’m doing at work, keeps me company after work, share food with me
  19. P Oong – boss, she gave me opportunities for my self-expression and for my work to make impact at Sasin (my write-ups, my workshop), and forgiving of my mistakes and shortcomings, honest and authentic about what she’s dealing with and doesn’t give up
  20. Prof Kulshaan – honest and accepting of my feedback to him, his class was so engaging that it sparks me to write a magazine for it, available for questions
  21. Prof Ian – trust in me when I ask to work at Sasin with a high salary, open for feedback and advice, wrote a recommendation letter for me
  22. Prof Sabin – gave me opportunities for the research book chapter write out, super encouraging
  23. Archan Nick – gave me opportunities (allowed me to implement workshop at Sasin)
  24. P Nok – my lifeline at VYOUTH, I confide in her my frustrations, my aspirations, share ideas and try them out, she gave me a chance to work with her in the outdoor shoots, to experience school life in Thailand
  25. Archan Tee – trust me and allowed me to work at MOE, attend a famous conference in KL, designed workshops for MOE itself
  26. P Tulip – a supportive older sis at work (the workshops), thought-partner, share food with me
  27. P Noom – she’s forgiving and understanding of my last month at work, help settle any doubts and fears when I lead the workshops for teachers, she’s straight with people that I want to be like her
  28. P Em – incredibly nice (helping me with my paper work from D-1 to final day, understanding my last days struggle at work)
  29. P Top – fun and supportive big bro at work – someone I can have fun with – outdoor shoots, photography to board games to English lessons
  30. Nick – life in US was so much fun and happy with him there (grocery trips, leasing, college applications, bike, cleaning up my apartment on the final day, ball of warmth and love, trips around the country)
  31. Pa Aoy – confidant and source of clearing and power
  32. P Tee – my coach who created a new me
  33. Sandy – exemplar of encouragement and that nothing is wrong
  34. Pa Jim – she raised me up with motherly love and support
  35. P Milk – my coach I can always count on, even with breakdown in wee hours
  36. P Elizabeth – sparked my love for reading with her books on Egyptian mystery
  37. Mrs Lee, my highschool math teacher – she never give up on me when my math was shit
  38. My A-Math tuition teacher – she gave me the best resources and encouraged me -> I got A for A math and E math after a year of F
  39. Jonathan, my lab supervisor – gave me opportunity to be lab manager and wrote a letter of recommendation for me to Harvard
  40. Un Yeong, my UIUC Career Center – allowed me to grow at CC, trust me and take my suggestions to improve the workshop
  41. Tina, my UIUC Career Center – supportive sis at UIUC with CC materials and it always warm my heart to know that she’s there
  42. Shifu – teacher of life, gave me opportunities to be with my ex (when we were dating), pay for my cooking utensils
  43. P Jinny – revised my Harvard recommendation letter to be as polished as it is till the last minute, pay for my hotel fees at Chicago
  44. Tina, my Harvard professor – accept me for who I am in class and show me it’s possible to be inquisitive, have fun, and make an impact
  45. Pear – someone who inspire me that together, we can try again. Someone who regards me as reliable
  46. Nicky, My UIUC academic supervisor – someone who I confided my academic problems and confusion ( bi-weekly meeting with her, helping me connect with different type of professors immediately as I try to sort out my uncertainty whether to take Biz/Law/Psy as my major)
  47. Archan Kala – his acceptance of life and others – teacher – trekking, allowing us to even step on him when crossing dangerous terrains, he’s joyful
  48. ความพยายามอยู่ที่ไหน ความสำเร็จอยู่ที่นั้น Where there’s determination in trying hard, there will be success. – made me in a trying mode
  49. Michelle, Forum Leader – exemplar of love and kindness to people, regardless of who they are, coached me through my once-hatred of my dad – without her, my dad and I would not be understanding and hugging each other
  50. Na Kung – my aunt who care for me and my sis, help me sort out my uncertainty to do MBA, my ex, not scared to give me advice, send us food
Liew Family, Hundred Years Between Exhibition in Bangkok, Early Feb, 2020

Insights:

  • What happen within you?
    • In writing out specific details with each person, I felt choked up. Tears began swelling. I felt so fulfilled that I have all these love and inspiration for me.
  • What did you discover?
    • I cared a lot more about how others will think of this list if they do not appear on it. However, as I was writing the list out, the thought slowly dissipate. True that there are so many more hundred of people who have influenced me, positively or negatively. Somehow, instead of writing those, my list contained those who added value into my life – who I’m grateful for.
    • Forgiveness for myself in the last month at VYOUTH and that some of those in the list could not be contacted. I have been trying to push away that “it’s okay” but inside, I do want their love. However, in writing out these list, it made me present to the fact that I have their love within me. There is no need to get them to accept me and love me the same way before.
  • What is interesting?
    • Interesting that a lot of people who influence and add value in my life cook for me and whom I’m grateful for 😂
      • In hindsight, that’s how I fell in love with my ex too. I also feel happy whenever I cook for my family and friends.
  • What did you learn?
    • when they influence my life, their love stay within me
    • they all create me to be who I am today
    • letting go of the past and choosing their love for me to nourish me, instead of regretting why some of them are not with me
    • i’m loved and i’m not alone

Meditating: 15 min