Today, I confessed to my parents, point-blank, that I have debt.

Credit card debt of ฿65,000 baht or around $2,200 USD.

I had a clear prediction of the aftermaths. Scolding, harsh reality hit, scolding, beating myself up, scolding, wanting to run away, scolding, responsibility clean up, scolding.

As you can guess, those happened.

Well, so what?

1. Do I deserved the scoldings?

YES. Yes, I do. I created the debt. My debt. And I acknowledged that these are the results of my actions. Whatever my parents say, I accept them.

Behind-the-scene (of the scolding)
My parents asked me how long I’ve been shouldering this debt and hiding it from them. It worsened since 4 months ago. As you can imagined, I was apprehensive throughout the whole period. I was scared of the aftermaths until I eventually turned numb to my debt.
Even as I’m writing this, my fear is still there.
It might not go away, but so what? I’m going to take actions anyway.

2. What I learned from these?

• I realized that many of my financial actions weren’t working. Three of my biggest mistakes:
  • I) Thinking that I’d earn more to pay off my debt and justifying my expenditures *FIRST & BIGGEST PITFALL*
    • After failing to secure part-time jobs, I did not continue searching nor upgrading my skills in targeted expertise
  • II) Spending more than what I earn and have
    • Areas I overspent: Food from convenience stores, Grab transport, Bars & Restaurants, Impulse buying, Unmonitored subscriptions and bills
  • III) Not budgeting in order to avoid confronting my financial actions
• Source of these financial actions & inactions
  • Wanting to look good in front of my friends. Therefore, I bought exorbitant gifts and went out to fancy bars and restaurants
  • Stuck in the story pit of “I’m not good enough”, “I’m useless”, “That’s why nobody is hiring me” and masking these stories with high food purchase and expensive impulse buying such as clothes and entertainments
  • What was missing: integrity and distinction of what happened and the story in my head

3. What’s next & What’s possible?

• First: Finding my place to stand
  • I want to sulk sooooo bad. Aka: Play the victim card. Blame everyone and everything. Deny the whole saga. Escape somewhere and beat myself up. Take up extreme measures.
  • However, the distinctions do not allow that. It was a constant battle between integrity cleanup and this sulking mode.
  • My place to stand: Having my life works, with integrity and responsibility. I’m going to come out of COVID-19 hotter, rock-n-roll with financial freedom!
• Second: Looking for areas to take action
  • Cut down on my spending:
    • This morning, I asked my landlord to reduce my rent and enrolled him in giving my 50% reduction. He did. Thank you, landlord!
    • Since I’m back at home for COVID-19 quarantine, my parents are paying for food, electricity, and water. Hence, I do chores daily to help them out.
    • When COVID-19 is over, I’m cutting out my weekly outings at those extravagant meals and expensive takeouts and no to impulse buying.
  • Identifying my unattended subscriptions.
    • Over the weekend, I found I was subscribed to services I did not use. Emailed them. Settled and closed the accounts. There are a few more I’m settling this week.
  • Budgeting:

Monthly Budgeting
Needs (rent ~ 50%)	60%
Wants	10%
Savings	10%
Debt	20%

• Looking for ways to earn more money
  • My game plan: make 5,000 ฿, around $170, per month.

Increasing my career prospect	Current Skill	Virtual Jobs	Current Knowledge
Updating my LinkedIn profile	Google adsense on my website	Transcribe	Coaching for Harvard college prep $150/hr
Apply for part time	Affliate marketing	Corporate Remote Jobs
	Content writing for articles on people website	User testing
	Writing articles for people website	Survey

• Opening up a saving account. Life is uncertain. While paying debt takes priority now, it doesn’t mean that emergencies won’t happen. I’m transferring a fixed amount into my account to prepare for the rainy days.

Rather than seeing this as a punishment or that money is a sin, I’m taking it as a fun challenge to increase my financial strength. It’s a next level upgrade! A mountain with no top worths climbing for. What kind of person can I become everyday throughout this #debtfreejourney? Definitely worth a ride.

4. My game plan

• With budgeting alone: 9.3 months to clear off debt
• With new income: 5.4 months

If you have any advice, I’d love learn from you. Please comment them below.

I’m writing up this post generate content so I can make money. Plus, my dad wants my reflection for this debt causation.

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What I gained from this confession?
I was able to discover that all these time, I gave meanings to what has happened – no savings, debt of 65K, went to Harvard, Bank Balance of 19K.
-> Meanings: “went to Harvard & still not rich or wealthy”// ” I’m lazy. That’s why I deserved all of these”// ” I’m destined to be a effing show-off, high degrees but useless”// “Harvard + Debt” = Useless
-> All these meanings are just from a “sheep mentality” – the playing the poor victim game
-> Distinction: Harvard graduation is Harvard graduation. Debt is debt. Harvard graduation allows me to attain my current job as well as create incredible impacts from there. I paid half of my MBA tuition and I paid for my own studio at IDEO Chula Q, an architecture marvel near my workplace. Debt is debt. Brought by my actions above as a human being.
-> This distinction truly gave me the courage to look forward and see what’s possible.