f.inding true love

πŸ’–When will I find my true love?” πŸ’–

This question haunts me like a bemoaning ghost. Sometimes, it gives me restless nights and put me in a miserable search for that feeling to arrive. Many times, I would live as if I’m waiting for someone to ‘complete’ me, seeing myself as a human with a half missing. Even the day before! I was drowning in misery, looking for online anecdotes to put my whirlpool of thoughts to rest. When will I finally be happy ⁉️

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However, as I was taking a shower this morning, I grasped onto something. All these times, I’m equating my happiness as a function of having a boyfriend. Boyfriend = Happy life.

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As that thought passed through, I traced my finger on the mist-stained glass wall and wrote :

boyfriend β‰  better life

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That one line jolted me out of my dizzy spell. I don’t need anyone to make me happy. I don’t need a boyfriend to make me happy. I’m the one who makes myself happy. Being with someone and feeling happy is all because I choose to be happy. Think about it? Have you been with someone you thought would make you happy and you still absolute feel shitty? In the equation of you happiness, it’s all you = happy life.

In my life, whether I am on time to work, be a coach to my coachees, lose weight and eat healthy, clean my house, do my homework, pass my exams, take more pictures to post on social media, go on exciting trips, have fun, it’s all up to me! I can love anyone. There’s no “true love” or “little love” or “this kind- that kind-of love”. It’s just love. In the end, what I was looking for was not love, but happiness. And this happiness = I create it for myself.

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Then this begs the question, why do I need a boyfriend then if I can be happy by myself? Is boyfriend necessary?

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I’ll share with you what answers I get to that question in my next post. Stay tuned! πŸ˜‰

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